Forgiving Dave (1)

Ashley Euyoung Kim
3 min readMar 23, 2021


I often have to hate people for what they have done, then forgive them under special circumstances. The hatred is secretive, concealed, even to the subject itself, as often they tend to be public figures. I must be done, I think to myself. It must be done because this person deserves to be hated for what they have done. The universe will not be a fair place if one does repay for what consequences they have brought upon their sphere of influence.

And yes, I hated Dave Chappelle for his stand-up about abortion. Now do not get me wrong. I am not simply whining over the fact that Dave was badmouthing abortion. I hate it even more when people jump into ‘so you are a feminist’ face at the start of the discussion. Indeed, he was an asshole in this show, which drained all warm-hearted compassion I had built for him in years. But what made me actually sick was that repeating pattern. As a matter of fact, Dave was not the first comedian to let me down.

Comedians, especially male stand-up comedians, are like Nexon probability item boxes. (if you know what that means.) They turn out to be disappointing. Or they already did, yet I just didn’t find the video clip.

Name any famous ones you can think of. The older the more. Geroge Carlin? Kevin Hart? Say no more. I went through them. (still do) Sometimes I just have to go with it, which I admit, is a disgraceful choice to my fellow companions who take similar stances with me. I try to withstand their old-ass, outdated, hate-filled, and stereotypic misogyny jokes. Because their other jokes are good.

Dave when too far for me. He went to the level of farness that I do not even want to write in detail labout what he said. I knew this man was an old, stubborn dude from the 80s, but I thought his experience would at least teach him to deter from such subjects. I do hate men trying to act smart when in reality they have filthy ideas deep inside, but at least I could still pretend to go along with them unless they publicly expose it. But Dave did, which I had to hate him. I had to boycott Dave.

Well to me, this meant a lot. You might already be guessing that one would not write a paragraph's length posting about hating a celeb unless they had great interests in that person. I was a fan of Dave, and all these other famous stand-up comedians I was a fanatic of. You must understand that I had 10h length standup clips running in my earbuds when others had 10h length K-POP idol mashups at the same time. (I’m not saying K-POP is bad, I’m saying that the devotion I had on Stand-ups was immense.)

Sometimes I cannot help but ask myself: why would they say such things? (which is not only misogynic, but also gerontophobic, transphobic, queerphobic, racist, looksist, etc.) I’m pretty darn sure I could write a paper for a master's degree on such a topic. First of all, there are two types—Those who know that the topic is inappropriate, and those who do not.

Those who do not, simply say it without that red siren wailing in their heads. We actually see this a lot in our daily lives. (Even ourselves might be that performer in daily conversations) Pretty sure that some of their audiences stopped laughing in the background. The former is more complicated, with many different kinds. Most of them decide to disregard the uncomfortable theme since they think that joke is still funny. Some have honed delicate skills to walk on a fine line between offense and laughter. (which is sometimes clever, sometimes hypocritical)

Well-known comedians usually don’t use that topic at all or belong in the second half. Although I mostly said men, women are just as same as well. Unfortunately, I even discover that the female comedians can often be the most to bring up such topics in comedy, not in an insightful, sensitive, and enlightening way, but in a mocking, lacking, superficial, and insulting way.

. . . Continues in part 2